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Personal Growth: self awareness required

‘Anxiety is energy looking for momentum.’
Gregory Lopatosky

Personal growth requires selfawareness.

I’m working on this post about to go to a meeting with a sales coach. I got prepared for the meeting by running numbers to determine feasibility. The numbers always look bleak, no matter which way I slice them.

Working in trash requires a lot of equipment. This equipment requires a lot of cash. Trash is capital intensive. Trash requires a lot of transportation and fuel. Trash is a really expensive industry to operate in.
The only way out is sales. And I’m not good at that, I’m an operator.

I look at the numbers and there isn’t much room for error. By beginning a trash collections company, I am basically using money to ‘buy a job’. There is very little margin for me to make a living. That scares me.

I imagine it would scare most anybody.

Maybe that is why there is so much emphasis on getting a job in American society; they are told to do so to avoid the uncertainty of starting a business.

So for the better part of a day, I have been a nervous anxious wreck, mind racing. When you start your own business you get to make your own hours right? All twenty four seems to be the most frequent time slot so far. So for the better part of a day, I’ve been ruminating what if…what if…what if…

I didn’t really find a way to break the thought pattern. Though, I did go running which got things moving in that direction. It worked somewhat. I got through the rest of my day, till I tried to sleep. It wasn’t till the next morning that I realized something I already knew. I remembered that this side of the business – the collections side- isn’t the goal. It is the first step.

With that, I wake and head to the gym. The first thing I see as I’m heading out the door at 5:00am is my gym instructor has posted something on FB.

‘If your dreams don’t scare you, then they’re not big enough.’
Ellen John Sirleaf

On one of our walls in the gym reads a sing, ‘F*ck Average’. I’m in the right place. These two gentle cues seem appropriate this morning. I needed these reminders. My dreams scare me.

By reading these, I was able to accept what I already knew. I am a materials recovery company. I realized what I am doing now is the necessary first step. The capital costs, customer acquisition costs, etc. etc. are all cheaper here on the collections side of the business. I have to start here, so that I can earn the right to do what I want down the road. I was able to retrain my gaze from my feet to the horizon. This current form of the business is only temporary. This is the first skip of a rock, whose aim is the other bank. I must aim past the first step to get through it.

So about that sales meeting… It’s getting to be time.


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